Why Introverts Love Lingerie


Well, as much as the title of this post tries to speak to all introverts, the one I’m going to focus on is the one I know best: me. I will say, in the lingerie world, I have met many people who see themselves as introverts, despite the fact that lingerie has a reputation that would belie this. In popular culture, we often see the stereotype of the bold, and extroverted as the ones who indulge in lingerie– although, of course, the fact that introverts are by nature more private would mean that any habits of extroverted people are naturally more widely broadcast.

In many ways, my interest in lingerie can be seen as a metaphor for the way I interact with people. While others may favor braver outward fashion choices, my outerwear style, while not exactly drab, is not overwhelmingly exciting either.

Ohhh Lulu

With my lingerie, however, it’s very different. At this point in my love of lingerie— and as a lingerie blogger–there is almost nothing that I wouldn’t try or wear, no matter how seemingly impractical. In many ways, lingerie is a crucial way that I express the more exciting, frilly and feminine aspects of my personality.

The complaint I hear most often about lingerie is that no one will see it or appreciate it. Now, I can totally understand that– it will never make the entrance of a well cut jacket or a beautiful dress. Lingerie is not a way in which we make a mark when we enter a room or give someone else a first impression. But lingerie is something that I enjoy so much and is such an important part of how I feel special and joyful that it affects the way I interact with people much more than anything they might actually see.

Source unknown

In many ways, this is a perfect match to my introversion. I honestly prefer hanging out in smaller groups of people, as very large gatherings can stress me out. If we go to a club I’ll likely be a spoilsport (sorry!). Spending time at home watching a movie or reading a book or making something is one of my favorite activities– and one that lends itself well to spending a lot of time in loungewear.

I don’t usually open up to people quickly. It can take me a while to get comfortable (although talking about my favorite topic is a surefire way for me to get animated). In many ways, that’s why lingerie is satisfying to me, even though it is so personal and private. I am used to finding inspiration and enjoyment from within myself or an intimate group of friends, rather than being the life of the party or wanting to draw attention to myself.

Although I am not going to literally show off my lingerie to you, get me started talking about it and I’ll talk your ear off. We are all layered– our personalities, our lives. My focus is very much on the under-layer, the intimate layer, the one that usually gets no judgment from outside eyes, but also no praise.

by Katrinka’s Secret

Of course, this is not to say that extroverts don’t enjoy lingerie, too. I’m sure there are some extroverts who read this blog who would love to let me know all the ways in which I have left out their lingerie experiences! (I’d love to hear from you in the comments). I just know that my relationship to myself and my relationship to lingerie are intertwined.

If you met me at a party or at random, you might say,”She’s okay. Nice. Boring. Quiet. A little odd,” just as you might look at my black sweater dress and think, “Perfectly acceptable” or not even notice it at all. Who are you to know about the lacy Myla basque and stockings that I may be wearing underneath, a sign of the more vibrant personality that I haven’t yet been able to feel comfortable enough to share with you.

Source unknown

(No matter how well you know me, I am still NOT going to show you my underwear, by the way)

You guys who read my blog are able to get a peek in, past my usual barriers, both to my personality and my lingerie collection. A blog is plays a strange role, being somewhere between a journal and a soapbox– equivalent to underwear as outerwear perhaps? Just remember: in many ways lingerie is about getting beneath the surface and wearing your personality on the inside, something I can very much relate to.


So– are you all introverts who know what I mean or have I lost you completely? Have I left out you extroverts who want to jump in and talk about aspects of lingerie that I’ve overlooked? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
  1. A great insight! I would identify as an extrovert and I think that shows in both my outerwear and also the fact that I LOVE showing a bit of lacy strap or wearing an interesting bra with a backless top/dress and having people ask about what it is I’m wearing underneath!

  2. I love your post (obviously) although I object to your description of yourself as “boring!” When I first met you I thought you were intimidating, beautiful, and brilliant, certainly not boring. I just thought that needed to be said publicly!

  3. All that you describe is definitely true for me too, although it might even be extended to my outerwear as well. I tend to think that while I might not be a loud person who attracts attention in a group right away, or boasts opinions about whatnot, I’m wearing lacey underwear so I’m fucking awesome! 😀

  4. I couldn’t agree more. When I first came into my own style and started dressing for me, my lingerie was the first thing to change. It was the key to accepting myself and remains the truest expression of my feelings and personality. Which may be why I’m so drawn to it.

    • I think lingerie is the ultimate “dressing for me” clothing item to me– which is why I find it so funny that it has such a reputation as the one clothing item that you only wear for other people! When I wrote my blog post on “Why I Love Lingerie” & it was republished on Jezebel, I got so many people saying “oh, but there is no way that you can really be wearing it for yourself. Lingerie is always about men” (which was especially odd considering I made it clear I was a lesbian). But I love finding others who know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that lingerie is such a great way to express yourself.

      • It’s strange how hard it is for many people to understand the simple concept of lingerie for one’s self.
        The last boutique I went to had a saleswomen baffled at the idea that the lace bra I ended up purchasing was not for the bedroom and by extension my partner but for myself. When I told her I was looking for an everyday bra she ended up handing beige molded cup full coverage bras it took several attempts before she brought me something I wouldn’t be ashamed to put on every morning. Even this women who surrounds herself with beautiful silk and lace on a daily basis couldn’t understand my desire for a gorgeous piece of lingerie to wear for myself and not for the bedroom and by extension my partner.

        As ar as the article on Jezebel, while I theoretically love the sites concept, I find many of the readers to be ill informed and hasty to conclusions. I read that article before following your blog, it made me smile, especially in understanding the writer was a lesbian.

        I have found so much in your postings that are akin to my own thoughts, it has been a true delight to have found this blog.

      • Reaching readers like you is exactly why having my post shared on Jezebel is great :). I am so, so glad you like my blog and I hope you’ll keep commenting and letting me know what you like or want to hear/see more of.

  5. Lingerie is where I can really dress for me and don’t have to worry about other people judging me because no ones going to see it (unless I want them to). Plus it makes me feel a bit unique, because I know it tends to be an area other women overlook.

  6. Hmm… A very interesting observation. I never thought about lingerie this way before, but it sure makes a lot of sense. I’m also on the “intro” side, and the lingerie I own and wear is almost exclusively for my own enjoyment.
    Some may say I’m an “extro” since I often go out while en femme, but most of the attention I’m getting as such is not the one I want and need. By now I’m confident enough to stare back at those who stare at me, and it’s really funny to see how they turn their head immediately and pretend they never looked at my direction in the first place.
    And yes, knowing that underneath it all I’m wearing beautiful and comfortable lingerie, carefully chosen by one very picky person, indeed helping my confidence and self assurance.

  7. I certainly never considered anything like this but it just fits so perfectly into the cloud of thoughts I have it felt as if it came from my own head. Reading this makes me want to go out and buy all those cute lingerie I see online…then I look at my wallet and resign myself to drawing it instead.

  8. As always I love your post. You put things so right in writing! I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert but I am not a full blown extrovert, if you know what I mean and I think that’s why I like lingerie so much. Because it allows me to be who I am… It allows me to show that I can be quiet and hidden but at the same time, I can be bold and a bit too much so times. Who doesn’t like a pretty lacy bra? Or a pair of silk stocking with a beautiful garter belt? But sometimes, just sometimes, I love some side-tie silk panties, or marabu-trimmed knickers or furiously designed tights.
    Black is always been, and always will be, my favourite underwear colour but nothing I like most that a bright pink underwear set or a peacock blue bra strap peeping from my top.
    I find outerwear more conforming with social rules whether because it’s the clothes I wear for work or for determined social occasions but the world is my oyster with underwear. It’s for me… and whoever I decide to share it with! (unlike you, I may show you my underwear if it comes into the conversation!).

  9. I am also jealous I didn’t write this first. I think a lot of people who know me were very surprised when all of a sudden I starting writing about lingerie in great and passionate detail on the internet. As you rightly point out, the blog is a cross between a soapbox and a journal, and I think some friends were shocked when they realized “Sweets” was me. I’m hugely introverted (clubs and/or karaoke are my idea of hell), and I’m a fairly . . . conservative, I guess, but that’s not quite the right word, dresser. I have a particular style, but it’s not overtly sexual by any means, and I think a lot of people assume that lingerie in any shape or form is or must be overtly sexual. I don’t think that’s the case (although it can be sexy, durr), but for me my lingerie lets me be creative in a private and sensual way. I don’t care whether or not someone sees it, but I feel so amazing when my underwear feels and looks good. My lingerie collection is a small, hidden celebration of how I feel and what I like and how I change from day to day and mood to mood, and I think everyone deserves a similar celebration, whether it’s through their lingerie or their art or their actions.

  10. “Now, I can totally understand that– it will never make the entrance of a well cut jacket or a beautiful dress. Lingerie is not a way in which we make a mark when we enter a room or give someone else a first impression. But lingerie is something that I enjoy so much and is such an important part of how I feel special and joyful that it affects the way I interact with people much more than anything they might actually see.” I love this entire point! One of the things I try to discuss with my customers is that lingerie is for THEM. It’s designed to make them feel good about themselves and feel confident in how they interact with others. That special dress is perfect for drawing attention to yourself in a positive way, but the gorgeous lingerie underneath gives you the confidence you need to rock it.

    Furthermore, as an extrovert, I feel like a lot of my personality is always out there, and the lingerie lets me keep something private for myself. However, I found myself agreeing with most of your points about why you love lingerie and how it brings out parts of your personality. Superbly written post!

  11. As someone who loves lingerie as much as she loves curling up with a book in her own bed on a Friday night, I think you’re on to something. In any case, the best part of being an introvert is being a surprise. *wink*

  12. Pingback: The Lingerie Lesbian’s Top 10 Favorite Posts of 2012 « The Lingerie Lesbian

  13. Could nt agree more with all that has been said. Great post. I have loved lingerie pretty much my entire life. I love the look the feel and the amazing variety. I so look forward to a cold Friday evening cuddled up on the couch with a pretty pair of silk knickers, lace top stockings and suspenders belt with a little Lace and silk chemise. Ahh heaven.

  14. Pingback: Lessons in Underthings: Interview with The Lingerie Lesbian | Bluestockings Boutique

Comments are closed.