Now, I know I’ve talked a lot about wearing lingerie for yourself. And how lingerie can be about what you want and you need and how you feel about yourself. But there are definitely aspects of lingerie that have to with other people and I think that it would be sad to neglect the way in which lingerie can be part of a connection between partners. The reason I’m writing this article, is that a question I often hear from people not as enmeshed in lingerie as I am is, “But, how does wearing (complicated) lingerie for your boyfriend/girlfriend actually work?”
This guide is really for those people who want to wear lingerie for a special occasion, but just aren’t sure exactly what you need to consider to actually pull it off, a mix of the spiritual and the practical. In this case I’m going to address lingerie in relation to an actual long term relationship– in the case of a hook-up, there are other considerations vis-a-vis not knowing where you may spend the night or how you’ll need to get home in the morning, which adds a whole ‘nother layer of complexity. So, here I will give 8 tips to keep in mind if you’re going to wear lingerie for your partner:
1. Wear what makes you feel sexy. The whole point of this adventure is for both you and your partner to have a good time! Confidence is the most important part of this whole experience– and the key ingredient in feeling beautiful and desirable. If you feel supremely confident, you don’t really even need the rest of these tips– but I know for some people, having lots of ideas and instructions just help bolster your lingerie courage.
2. Forget the trenchcoat. I view the whole trenchcoat + lingerie as an “advanced” lingerie skill, that requires a lot more confidence than might be doable for the lingerie neophyte. Especially because it really only makes sense when the journey is just point A to point B, as the outfit of trenchcoat & lingerie won’t make you feel particularly comfortable if you realize you forgot something and have to drop by the pharmacy or the supermarket. Plus, if you’re feeling nervous, suddenly dropping a trenchcoat to reveal your entire lingerie outfit might make you feel more simply exposed than seductive.
3. The act of discovery is sexy. I’m quite fond of wearing lingerie under regular clothes because I love the moment when my girlfriend realizes that I’m wearing something a little out of the ordinary. The fact that you look “normal” on the outside can be a boon if you are planning on going anywhere (such as dinner) or you just want to feel confident that only you know your secret until things are already getting a little more intimate. Then, the act of undressing becomes more like an adventure. Besides, it definitely has that “plainclothes superhero” thing going for it. Clothes that go well over lingerie: structured dresses, pencil skirts, blouses.
4. Set the mood. If this lingerie unveiling is taking place in your home, take advantage of it. Creating a “mood” can definitely help you feel more comfortable and less awkward. Just wear a robe to answer the door (if you wish to avoid letting your neighbor catch a glimpse) and you can be in charge of exactly how everything goes down, whether it be with mood music or candles or red wine
5. Don’t dress in a hurry– prepare beforehand. Making my partner wait when I’m getting dressed stresses me out– and often lingerie can be a complicated affair. I hate trying desperately to clip my stockings in the bathroom when it just isn’t working. It’s so much nicer to have a calm, meditative dressing-up experience before you see your partner, which just makes you more excited about showing yourself off. Enjoy the ritual.
6. Panties are optional. Sometimes panties just don’t make sense with a garter dress or slip. ‘Nuff said.
7. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone. This may seem contradictory to tip #1, but it’s not. What I mean is, don’t be afraid to try something exciting or different– wearing lingerie is allowed to be a fantastical experience that isn’t necessarily grounded in the “practical.” Let your imagination or your desires take you wherever you want to go and there is plenty of room for experimentation.
8. This is about having fun. If anyone makes you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing or you aren’t completely gorgeous in your lingerie, there is something wrong with them, not you. And if you’re wearing lingerie because you felt pressured into it, that’s a problem too. Only do what makes you feel comfortable and amazing and special, whether that includes lingerie or not.
I hope these tips are helpful to anyone who wants to try to wear lingerie for a significant other! And if there are any other tips I forgot or you think something I said doesn’t make sense, leave it in the comments.