8 Tips on How to Wear Lingerie for your Boyfriend or Girlfriend (Or Other)

Now, I know I’ve talked a lot about wearing lingerie for yourself. And how lingerie can be about what you want and you need and how you feel about yourself. But there are definitely aspects of lingerie that have to with other people and I think that it would be sad to neglect the way in which lingerie can be part of a connection between partners. The reason I’m writing this article, is that a question I often hear from people not as enmeshed in lingerie as I am is, “But, how does wearing (complicated) lingerie for your boyfriend/girlfriend actually work?”

This guide is really for those people who want to wear lingerie for a special occasion, but just aren’t sure exactly what you need to consider to actually pull it off, a mix of the spiritual and the practical. In this case I’m going to address lingerie in relation to an actual long term relationship– in the case of a hook-up, there are other considerations vis-a-vis not knowing where you may spend the night or how you’ll need to get home in the morning, which adds a whole ‘nother layer of complexity. So, here I will give 8 tips to keep in mind if you’re going to wear lingerie for your partner:

Rachel Jean & Ania by Zoe Hiigli

1. Wear what makes you feel sexy. The whole point of this adventure is for both you and your partner to have a good time! Confidence is the most important part of this whole experience– and the key ingredient in feeling beautiful and desirable. If you feel supremely confident, you don’t really even need the rest of these tips– but I know for some people, having lots of ideas and instructions just help bolster your lingerie courage.

2. Forget the trenchcoat. I view the whole trenchcoat + lingerie as an “advanced” lingerie skill, that requires a lot more confidence than might be doable for the lingerie neophyte. Especially because it really only makes sense when the journey is just point A to point B, as the outfit of trenchcoat & lingerie won’t make you feel particularly comfortable if you realize you forgot something and have to drop by the pharmacy or the supermarket. Plus, if you’re feeling nervous, suddenly dropping a trenchcoat to reveal your entire lingerie outfit might make you feel more simply exposed than seductive.

3. The act of discovery is sexy. I’m quite fond of wearing lingerie under regular clothes because I love the moment when my girlfriend realizes that I’m wearing something a little out of the ordinary. The fact that you look “normal” on the outside can be a boon if you are planning on going anywhere (such as dinner) or you just want to feel confident that only you know your secret until things are already getting a little more intimate. Then, the act of undressing becomes more like an adventure. Besides, it definitely has that “plainclothes superhero” thing going for it. Clothes that go well over lingerie: structured dresses, pencil skirts, blouses.

4. Set the mood. If this lingerie unveiling is taking place in your home, take advantage of it. Creating a “mood” can definitely help you feel more comfortable and less awkward. Just wear a robe to answer the door (if you wish to avoid letting your neighbor catch a glimpse) and you can be in charge of exactly how everything goes down, whether it be with mood music or candles or red wine :)

Toccara Jones

Toccara in Vogue Italia

5. Don’t dress in a hurry– prepare beforehand. Making my partner wait when I’m getting dressed stresses me out– and often lingerie can be a complicated affair. I hate trying desperately to clip my stockings in the bathroom when it just isn’t working. It’s so much nicer to have a calm, meditative dressing-up experience before you see your partner, which just makes you more excited about showing yourself off. Enjoy the ritual.

6. Panties are optional. Sometimes panties just don’t make sense with a garter dress or slip. ‘Nuff said.

Julia Turenkova by Andoni and Arantxa

7. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone. This may seem contradictory to tip #1, but it’s not. What I mean is, don’t be afraid to try something exciting or different– wearing lingerie is allowed to be a fantastical experience that isn’t necessarily grounded in the “practical.” Let your imagination or your desires take you wherever you want to go and there is plenty of room for experimentation.

8. This is about having fun. If anyone makes you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing or you aren’t completely gorgeous in your lingerie, there is something wrong with them, not you. And if you’re wearing lingerie because you felt pressured into it, that’s a problem too. Only do what makes you feel comfortable and amazing and special, whether that includes lingerie or not.

I hope these tips are helpful to anyone who wants to try to wear lingerie for a significant other! And if there are any other tips I forgot or you think something I said doesn’t make sense, leave it in the comments.

  1. Reblogged this on Sensi Boutique and commented:
    This is a great guide for people like me who are interested in trying something sexy but not to sure about how to deliver the sexyness. Thanks to The Lingerie Lesbian for the wonderful info!

    • I think “Advanced Lingerie Skills” would be a fabulous post– now I need to figure out exactly what those are (I’m afraid I’m tempted to make a ridiculous list that includes, “If you can’t identify the brand of lingerie of any sexual partner, while removing it from them with your teeth, you are no lingerie expert!”)

  2. These are valuable tips that remind us all that lingerie is creative, fun, empowering, and sexy- just the way it should be. And it certainly gives women of all persuasions an edge that men don’t have.

    Or… now this is not to shock anyone here but to highlight a phenomenon that does exist, and in the rare times that it does come up or portrayed in the media it is almost exclusively in a negative way.

    This comes from technically a man bi-gender person, meaning someone who toggles between male and female identity (or vice versa) regardless of their sexuality, who was always fond and appreciative of lingerie in general, especially when it is worn by my partner and/or myself.

    Again, this phenomenon exists more than it is acknowledged, and I hope it will go beyond “merely tolerated” into “accepted”, maybe one day will even be celebrated as “fun, creative, empowering, and sexy- just the way it should be”.

    • As a ”technically a woman” bigender person, i feel ya :) lingerie doesn’t have to be limited to those with XX chromosomes, or even the female gender – it’s all about what makes you feel empowered and sexy

  3. I was also intrigued by the “Advanced Lingerie Skills” suggestion by Anastasia, came up with few ideas, and about to send them to you in an email shortly in case you want to take it from there. And no, they don’t include “identifying the brand”.

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  5. In reading this article I found myself recalling virtually every emotion or thought you are suggesting. From not being in a comfort zone to being at ease with the act of wearing some very revealing lingerie in front of my lover. From deciding to not wear panties to actually enjoying this simple act as it made me feel stronger, somehow. Needless to say I enjoyed your thoughts as it in turn made me think of myself working through some changes that wearing lingerie can bring.

  6. Fun article. I will say that as far as #8 and “lingerie pressure” goes, a little give might be necessary if your partner is lingerie ga-ga and you’re not. You may find that your misgivings are based on opinions of your body or sense of style that your partner does not share, and that a fantasy you find ludicrous in the abstract may be quite fulfilling once you consider their satisfaction. I know my partner prefers Jockey to Wacoal and also know that when she chooses the latter over the former that it’s my preferences she’s putting first. I owe a debt of appreciation, which I do my best to repay.

  7. Great post! I was looking for info on this sort of thing… I am absolutely loving your blog, it’s so thoughtful, pretty and empowering. I particularly like your series connecting lingerie with artists. Inspired!

    • Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed this piece. There will be more artist pieces soon, I promise! Hint: my next artist is most well know for his paintings of ballet dancers :)

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  10. Great article, as a guy I also love to wear lingerie for my girl. Your sugestions work great for guys that also like to dress up. Thanks

  11. Hi, I know this is an old post but I would really really like to know who makes the panties shown in the photo with the two girls in front of the piano. Do you know the designer? I’ve tried sleuthing on my own and I found a photographer credit, but not a designer. Thank you so much and love your blog :)

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  13. Hi Thanks this helped me! My bf told me he’s into stockings so I got a wee chemise and suspender belt to wear with them p. I was feeling a little shy about it or worried maybe it wouldn’t be his thing! Now I feel like I can totally rock it when he comes home from work! 😉 thanks!

  14. Thank you so much! Ive been holding onto this lingere i bought almost a year ago to wear for my partner! I have been so nervous, but now feel much more confident and layed back about it. The tip of taking time to dress is especially helpful as i was imagining it to be a stressful rush. Thanks 😉

  15. To the author: I absolutely love your approach to this topic and emphasis on the importance of feeling comfortable and sexy before anyone else even lays eyes on the lingerie. Bravo!

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